How I am a SAHM: The basics

Let me start this by saying, being a stay at home parent is not the right thing for everyone. I had a friend tell me one time that she was a better mom because she was away from her kids two days each week. It made her more patient, kinder, saner! There are people like her. And there are people like me. I don't even like to leave my babies for ten minutes, much less to go to a job.

This post is not to bash working moms or even to try and convince anyone to stay home. The reason I am writing this post is that I have moms tell me all the time that they wish they could stay home with their kids but they "just can't." There was a point in my life, with a four month old baby boy, that I was saying the same thing. I went back to work part-time. And after three months of crying almost every day, I decided, even if it killed me, I would be home with my babies. If you are there, this post is for you.

Let me say, first and foremost, that I am not the reason I am at home. My husband has a great job and it enables us to pay our bills. Secondly, God takes care of me and continues to provide for my family in ways that I can't even believe. Being faithful in prayer and in giving to God has really led to some pretty awesome things happening for us.

What I am able to do fairly well is utilize the resources I am given. I would like to share some of these with you and I encourage you to make them your own.

The first and biggest things that have enabled me to be home with my boys are breastfeeding and cloth diapering. If I had to dish out hundreds of dollars per month for diapers and formula, I would be right back to work. Cloth diapers are an investment up front, but utilize your resources. Register for them on your baby registry, buy them used from Craigslist, etc. For more information, check out Hot Mess Nest or any of the other million cloth diaper resources online.

The next biggest factor to me being home is simply budget and sacrifice. I am extremely blessed to nearly always have everything I need or want, but sometimes it's just not possible. You have to make the commitment that being home with your babies might sometimes trump a new pair of Steve Madden heels. This is something I consistently struggle with, but I know that no amount of material possessions can make up for waking up to those two sweet smiles everyday.

I would also encourage you to seek out like-minded parents. Not only can you share ideas and information, but you also can share responsibilities. Watch each others' kids for date nights or grocery shopping or have game or dinner nights together. You may not be able or willing to go out and spend money on babysitters and fancy dinners like you did with two incomes, but there are still ways to enjoy life together frugally. I will also admit that there are times when you will need a break. Even if it is just to go to the grocery store alone. These friends can be that for you and you can reciprocate for them.

Couponing has also been a huge step in my journey to be home with my boys. Couponing gets a bad rap as something that has to be all-consuming. I started spending a couple hours a week working on coupons as well as planning my meals around what's on sale that week. Just in doing that I nearly cut my grocery bill in half. If you are looking to get started or feel overwhelmed by it all, my favorite coupon site is Southern Savers. She has an amazing way of making saving money easy.

I am also at home because I take every opportunity I can to make money. I take secret shopping assignments, I get paid to keep the nursery on Wednesday nights at a local church, I provide in-home daycare for a couple friends, the list goes on and on. Since I have committed to being home and raising my boys the best way I know how, God has continuously presented me with ways to make money and still be with them. You have to take these opportunities as they come to you. It might not be consistent income, but it might be those last $20 you need to pay a bill or fix a broken washing machine. I also committed to doing our family budget when my husband and I decided I could stay home. Not everyone is blessed with an amazing husband like I have, but he could care less about where his money goes as long as our bills get paid. If you are going to stay home, take this into consideration. If it is something you both are comfortable with, it can be a way to take control and enable yourself to be home. In our situation, I feel like my husband works hard for us and he shouldn't have to worry about where the money to pay the electric bill comes from. Being responsible for the budget lets me know when I need to pick up an extra secret shop or two and make sure we are covered. He is always there to support me, of course, but the majority of figuring out what comes and goes where is on me.

I am also always being thrifty in getting the things my boys need. I simply cannot go to Gymboree and buy matching outfits for every occasion on one income. I can, however, buy them at consignment stores or sales for a quarter to half of the original price. Check out my blog post about consigning on Hot Mess Nest.

Planning ahead is also a great strategy. If a friend has kids that are bigger than yours and asks if you want hand-me-downs, say yes! Check out off-season sales when you can as well. An area consignment store just had a sale where you could fit all the off-season clothes you could pack into a grocery bag for $3. A friend got next year's coats for her kids and several other items for $3! You can stick them in a tub in your attic and pull them out when the time comes.

These are not the only ways to be a stay at home mom. There are millions of opportunities out there for you to find. I just wanted to share with you some of the ways that we make it work. Be confident in your child-rearing decision, whatever that may be and know that if God puts it on your heart, He will make it happen.

Adventures in Preschool: Our Easter projects

My oldest just turned three and I am loving him being old enough to do fun stuff! I wanted to share our Easter projects with you.

 

I think my husband and I almost had as much fun as my toddler coloring eggs. When we were dating we always did fun holiday stuff and as married people, it is important to me that we still have fun together! These are our favorites:

 

This year, I found that coloring eggs does not last near enough time for a three year old. Plunking two dozen eggs into the dye and pulling them back out took him about ten minutes and he was ready for more! I was frustrated because it took me longer to put out the newspapers and get the dyes ready than it did for him to color them all. So, in saying that, I decided to let him also color the eggs I was going to use for Easter dinner. It really prolonged the experience because it took a little more soaking to get them colored (so we had a little lesson in patience) and he was happy to sticker the shell-on eggs while the peeled eggs were soaking. It was super fun and the next day it was fun for him to show everyone how he contributed to dinner.

 

 

I also loved this idea from one of my friends. They used a whisk to let the little ones color eggs and I just thought that was so cool (and much less messy!). We are definitely trying that next year!

 

 

 

This next project was not as three-year-old-friendly, but we happened to have some older friends on Spring Break this week to help out. I started this project by cutting wreath-size circles out of cardboard boxes. I then let them hot glue Easter grass on. Then we used foam shapes and glitter pens to decorate plastic eggs. They were then attached to the grass with hot glue. Lastly, I used a knife to cut the middle of the wreath out and attached ribbon at the top for hanging. This was a great project that they worked on for a couple of hours.

 

 

 

Lastly, I wanted to share our Easter bunny cake. There are lots of different ways to do this, but this one is just freestyled. My toddler is really into eating the legs, nose, arms, etc. off of his animal crackers and/or other assorted creature-shaped foods, so he especially thought it was fun. It made for such a fun centerpiece for the food table and was delicious to eat.

 

 

Happy Easter!

 

Baby led weaning and how it works for me!

Everybody wants to know what you baby is eating, how much they're eating, if they can feed them, etc. etc. and then wants to give you advice on how to do it "the right way." This is not that post.

I read a book when my son was around one year old called Baby Led Weaning and it blew my mind! It sounds crazy, but these people were telling me to give my six month old a whole carrot and I thought it was a good idea.

To give a little disclaimer, this is not for everyone. Lots of people tell me I am crazy for doing this and I am not trying to create another aspect of mommy wars. It is working for my family and that is why we do it. Do what works for your family and know you are doing the right thing.

With that being said, I would love to share our adventure with baby led weaning with you.

My little one has just turned six months old and we are beginning to experiment with feeding. These mesh bags are our starting point. He has done whole carrots, celery, etc., but I also like the ease of these bags because whatever we are eating, I can place in the bag and he controls the feeding. I can put whole green beans, peas, bananas, strawberries, soft meats, anything really!

My other disclaimer would be the inevitable mess. I am an extremely laid back mom, so the mess doesn't effect me much, but if this is something you decide to try, know that your baby sucking blueberries through a mesh bag is not a very clean process and plan accordingly.

There is some great new research about delaying feeding and I love that we are just experimenting at this stage instead of forcing purees. I am excited to see where this journey takes us and hope you will follow along as we go!

Adventures in Preschool: Conversation Heart Alphabet

I found these conversation hearts on clearance after Valentine's Day for .25.

 

After letting my little one color some, I wrote a letter on each one. I then let him sort them, put them in order and try spelling words. It was such an inexpensive and easy learning adventure!

Adventures in Preschool: Sensory birdseed experiment

I have decided to do some at-home preschool with my three year old. I am so excited to try new things with him and watch him learn and grow through adventures together! This is the first post about our new adventure and  I promise many many more!

Today I used a bucket of birdseed and threw in some dollar store lizards. These babies loved using slotted spoons to search for the lizards! It was a great sensory experience. It was also a great learning tool as I asked questions along the way (Where is the blue lizard?, How many lizards did you find?, etc.). They had so much fun and it took two minutes to prep!

Broken heart for breastfeeding

For the last two weeks, the preacher has made me cry! Maybe he's just really hitting my heart with his words, or it might be the hormones gifted to me by the little human I know is coming out soon, but either way, I spent the last two services praying I didn't have mascara running down my face.

This Sunday, he said we needed to be praying for our hearts to be broken for what breaks God's heart. Now I am sure the whole rest of the congregation was thinking about poor children and drug afflicted families, but I sat there, crying my eyes out, thinking about breastfeeding.

Aside from the calling to marry my husband or to stay home with my babies, I have never felt a greater calling than what I feel is my calling to help people breastfeed. I live in an area where breastfeeding is not really the norm, nor is it as accepted as I wish it was. Often I feel so overwhelmed by the challenges, that my impact seems nearly non-existent. As is common in much of this country, many moms here would rather pump and feed their baby a bottle in a restaurant than face the judgment the receive for nursing. I also live in an area where many of the breastfeeding professionals are much more interested in the profit they can gain than the lives that they can change. So, our challenges are daily and very big.

Now why did this make me cry Sunday?

There are hungry babies in this country.

There are babies affected by child abuse every single day.

There are babies who almost lose their lives because their families can't afford formula and dilute it to toxic levels. Formula companies convince moms that what you can buy is better than what God gave you. And while breastfeeding might not solve these problems, I really feel like it might help. And just as a disclaimer, I know there are people that can't breastfeed and with my whole heart I am understanding and compassionate to those people, but a LOT of people just make a choice not to try or not to try very hard.

Even in the poorest of cultures, babies have a greater chance at survival when their moms choose to breastfeed. Yes, a mom who barely receives the intake to meet her own nutritional needs gives her baby a greater chance at life when she breastfeeds.

I cannot attribute this next opinion to anyone but myself and I don't know that there will ever be research to prove my opinion to be true. However, I strongly believe that would could decrease abuse in our country if we increased our breastfeeding rates. There is no greater way, in my opinion, to bond a mother with her baby than breastfeeding. Baby-friendly hospitals in some countries have seen a dramatic decrease in abandonment of newborns when mothers are encouraged to breastfeed.

Now, please, please, please do not leave me hateful comments, thinking I look negatively toward formula feeding moms. That is NOT the point of this post. I am not saying all moms who choose to use formula abuse their children. I am, however, saying some moms are more prone to being abusers and the pattern of abuse might actually be stopped with the bond that breastfeeding brings between mother and child.

I also see a great financial struggle with some formula-feeding families. If the families that cannot afford formula and are forced to dilute it would have made the choice to breastfeed, these babies would never suffer from the complications that can come with malnutrition. Being a stay at home mom, I know how challenging finances can sometimes be. I think if moms were better educated on the kind of money they would be forced to spend on formula, they might make better decisions.

Lastly, my heart breaks because formula companies in this country convince families that what they can provide from a can is better than the way God intended our babies to be fed. The lack of regulation of what these companies can advertise never ceases to astonish me.

I know the preacher intended for me to think about AIDS ravaged villages and poverty-stricken orphans, but my heart breaks for breastfeeding. I guess God breaks each of our hearts for different things and mine will always break every time I see a baby with a bottle of formula, because I know what he is missing.

Second Baby Blues

When I became pregnant with my second child, I expected everyone to jump up and down for us like they did when I was pregnant with our first. Don't get me wrong, people were excited. And when I am in the hospital delivering this baby, people will be showering us with love and I may feel completely different. However, there is something really different about being pregnant for a second time.

I have found myself with hurt feelings so often during the past nine months because second babies are just less exciting to people. When you are pregnant for the first time, people really want to help you. They want to give elaborate gifts and have showers for you and provide you with all the love and advice you could imagine. Not so much the second time. First of all, I am having another boy. Soo, most people assume we are pretty well set. Granted, we do have 15 Rubbermaid totes full of boys clothes in our attic, so they might be right, but in my mind, this was the opportunity for people to enable him to have things of his very own. Secondly, I am going to cloth diaper this time around. Soo, the people that did want to buy us presents wanted to buy us diapers and now they are just boggled by what we could possibly need. Even at the shower we did have, guests would spend half of what they would have spent on the baby on a toy for big brother so he "didn't feel left out."

I have also had to remind myself that when I was expecting with Carter, I was a full time college student and a full time employee, therefore constantly surrounded by people. I am now, and have been for the last two and a half years, a full time mommy, so all those people just aren't in my life like they were before. I have had to realize that the lack of love I am feeling probably comes from the fact that I have invested very little in relationships over the past two years.

Now, all that being said, we really don't need as much stuff for this baby as we did the first time around and I feel like an overindulgent American even typing this silly post while my baby's nursery is stuffed to the brim with tiny socks and 4,000 wipes. However, the mommy (or crazy pregnant lady) in me doesn't think about it that way. My preggo brain goes nuts and I take it as though people already love this baby less than they do my first.

In all honesty, most of this "lack of love" feeling probably comes from my own insecurities. I am so devoted (some might call it obsessed) with my precious two year old that I can't yet imagine the love I will have for this baby. I have to understand that when people are rationally thinking that Baby #2 is fortunate to be able to wear the 54 outfits they bought for Baby #1, they are probably right. They are also probably thinking that they now have to buy another Christmas present and birthday present for at least the next ten years, so I should really just calm down. When he comes out and I look into those perfect little eyes for the first time, just to get him snatched away by grandparents and friends galore, I'll let ya know if I still feel bad for him. :)