Second Baby Blues

When I became pregnant with my second child, I expected everyone to jump up and down for us like they did when I was pregnant with our first. Don't get me wrong, people were excited. And when I am in the hospital delivering this baby, people will be showering us with love and I may feel completely different. However, there is something really different about being pregnant for a second time.

I have found myself with hurt feelings so often during the past nine months because second babies are just less exciting to people. When you are pregnant for the first time, people really want to help you. They want to give elaborate gifts and have showers for you and provide you with all the love and advice you could imagine. Not so much the second time. First of all, I am having another boy. Soo, most people assume we are pretty well set. Granted, we do have 15 Rubbermaid totes full of boys clothes in our attic, so they might be right, but in my mind, this was the opportunity for people to enable him to have things of his very own. Secondly, I am going to cloth diaper this time around. Soo, the people that did want to buy us presents wanted to buy us diapers and now they are just boggled by what we could possibly need. Even at the shower we did have, guests would spend half of what they would have spent on the baby on a toy for big brother so he "didn't feel left out."

I have also had to remind myself that when I was expecting with Carter, I was a full time college student and a full time employee, therefore constantly surrounded by people. I am now, and have been for the last two and a half years, a full time mommy, so all those people just aren't in my life like they were before. I have had to realize that the lack of love I am feeling probably comes from the fact that I have invested very little in relationships over the past two years.

Now, all that being said, we really don't need as much stuff for this baby as we did the first time around and I feel like an overindulgent American even typing this silly post while my baby's nursery is stuffed to the brim with tiny socks and 4,000 wipes. However, the mommy (or crazy pregnant lady) in me doesn't think about it that way. My preggo brain goes nuts and I take it as though people already love this baby less than they do my first.

In all honesty, most of this "lack of love" feeling probably comes from my own insecurities. I am so devoted (some might call it obsessed) with my precious two year old that I can't yet imagine the love I will have for this baby. I have to understand that when people are rationally thinking that Baby #2 is fortunate to be able to wear the 54 outfits they bought for Baby #1, they are probably right. They are also probably thinking that they now have to buy another Christmas present and birthday present for at least the next ten years, so I should really just calm down. When he comes out and I look into those perfect little eyes for the first time, just to get him snatched away by grandparents and friends galore, I'll let ya know if I still feel bad for him. :)