In recent days, Paul Tudor Jones has gotten some harsh criticism about his comments about moms in the workplace. He said that having children was a "focus killer" for women. You can read more about his comments here.
Let me start by saying that my degree is in communication. If you know much about a degree in communication, you know that I was blessed to take many, many classes about feminism, gender stereotypes, equality in media and the workplace, etc. etc. This post goes against all of that.
It does go, however, with everything I feel, love and believe is right about being a mother.
When I first heard about this incident on the news and saw all the women offended by his words, it took me a minute to form my opinion. As a good little PR student, my instinct was to also be offended. But then I thought about my boys. And, here comes the shocker, I get what he's saying. I don't want a mob of angry mamas leaving me grouchy comments, so let me explain.
Am I grateful that I live in a country where women are free to do the same things men can do? Absolutely.
Do I think Jones was saying women are not as capable as men? No way.
But do I believe that being a mommy can change you? Oh you betcha.
When I was pregnant with my first little one I was in my last semester of college. I had big plans for when I graduated. They included a corner office with a framed picture of my sweetly smiling infant perched on the corner. To the people who know me now, you will be utterly shocked, but I actually looked into daycare!
Then it happened. When I looked into those beautiful brown eyes that cold January morning, I knew my life would never be the same. I didn't care if I never made another dollar or if no one years from now knew my name. I wanted to never leave that brown-eyed baby ever again. And three years later, I haven't, much.
Now I am not saying that no woman or no mother should, or more importantly, could, hold these jobs, but I'm just saying maybe we should cut this guy some slack. Do we have it all wrong in this country when we start to think that a mother being changed by the most precious gift of a child is bad? Do we have it wrong to make women believe that they should not be affected by the loving gaze of a sweet baby or feel instantly devoted when he, as Tudor said, "touched that girl’s bosom?"
I understand the issue with the implication he made, but sometimes I think we are afraid to take off our feminist hat and put on our mommy hat and the one who suffers is that big-brown-eyed baby boy.
I am proud of the mamas who work outside of their home to feed their families. I am even more proud of the mamas who say, "This kid's a 'focus killer' and I'm staying home." Be confident in what your heart is telling you is right, mamas. And be courageous to make the decisions that aren't always popular in this nation if they are right for you.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
That kid needs a spanking! Or does he?
This is not a post to preach about why you should or should not use spanking as a punishment technique. This post is just to explain our reasoning in choosing not to spank our kids.
First off, let me say, we started off really terrible at discipline. I have been blessed with an amazing little boy who very rarely- I'm talking twice a month- does something genuinely punishable. What that means is, when he actually does something that deserves discipline, his father and I are scrambling, looking at each other, like what the heck are we supposed to do?
So, I started doing some research about discipline and I found that many, many times, parents just spank because they don't know what else to do. Either that, or they are embarrassed of the behavior and they think spanking makes them look like they have control.
Here's why it doesn't work for us:
We were at a children's event where my then two year old and I witnessed a father repeatedly spanking his little girl. She was obviously tired and hot and needed a nap and a cuddle more than a spanking. But, she was screaming and crying and he was embarrassed, so it went like this "Stop crying or I'm going to spank you again." Child is fearful and cries more. Dad spanks her. She cries louder. "Stop crying or I'm going to spank you again." Over. And Over. And Over. This man was pleading with this toddler to stop crying so he wouldn't have to spank her again, but spanking her just made her cry more. And by the end they both were just tired and needed to cuddle.
My toddler's reaction to this was stunning to me. He said, "Why does that man keep hitting that little girl?"
Just stop for a second and think about that. Why does that man keep hitting that little girl?
At that moment, I knew I would never hit my children again. Because that is what it is. A big person is hitting a little person and that just doesn't feel right to my heart.
The second reason we don't spank is because I did spank. One time. When my child was around 18 months old and I was that parent I just talked about. Tired, frustrated, busy, didn't know what to do. I told my child to do something and he ran away. I found him and swatted his cute little cloth diaper butt. No big deal. Except that he told me that entire scenario and how scared he was of me on that day yesterday. Yea, he's three now. And he remembered the entire thing. And that's why I am writing this post today. Just hoping that somebody else might be at the point of spanking, or spanking often, and not realize the impact they might be having.
The third reason we don't spank is because I don't want my children to be afraid of me. As a child and even a teenager, I was threatened with spanking. I was 15 years old and my mom would say, "You're not too old to spank. Your Granddad still spanked me when I was dating your dad." That, my friends, is ridiculous. And I know that now and I know that my mom was that parent I just talked about that didn't know what else to do. But, at a time when my mom should have wanted me to talk to her the most, she put fear into me and it made me back even farther away from her. I want to talk to my boys so they will listen and listen so they will talk. I should be their biggest comfort in this world, not what they are most afraid of. I can find other methods of discipline that turn them into fine young men of God without them being afraid of me.
So, do what you want with your children. It really is up to you. Maybe in that moment that you want to hit, put yourself and your child in time out and take the time to decide if spanking is the right punishment for the crime.
But as for my house, we will not hit each other. And the joy I get from hearing my toddler say that and be confident in it is worth more to me than the instant satisfaction of giving a spanking could ever give me.
First off, let me say, we started off really terrible at discipline. I have been blessed with an amazing little boy who very rarely- I'm talking twice a month- does something genuinely punishable. What that means is, when he actually does something that deserves discipline, his father and I are scrambling, looking at each other, like what the heck are we supposed to do?
So, I started doing some research about discipline and I found that many, many times, parents just spank because they don't know what else to do. Either that, or they are embarrassed of the behavior and they think spanking makes them look like they have control.
Here's why it doesn't work for us:
We were at a children's event where my then two year old and I witnessed a father repeatedly spanking his little girl. She was obviously tired and hot and needed a nap and a cuddle more than a spanking. But, she was screaming and crying and he was embarrassed, so it went like this "Stop crying or I'm going to spank you again." Child is fearful and cries more. Dad spanks her. She cries louder. "Stop crying or I'm going to spank you again." Over. And Over. And Over. This man was pleading with this toddler to stop crying so he wouldn't have to spank her again, but spanking her just made her cry more. And by the end they both were just tired and needed to cuddle.
My toddler's reaction to this was stunning to me. He said, "Why does that man keep hitting that little girl?"
Just stop for a second and think about that. Why does that man keep hitting that little girl?
At that moment, I knew I would never hit my children again. Because that is what it is. A big person is hitting a little person and that just doesn't feel right to my heart.
The second reason we don't spank is because I did spank. One time. When my child was around 18 months old and I was that parent I just talked about. Tired, frustrated, busy, didn't know what to do. I told my child to do something and he ran away. I found him and swatted his cute little cloth diaper butt. No big deal. Except that he told me that entire scenario and how scared he was of me on that day yesterday. Yea, he's three now. And he remembered the entire thing. And that's why I am writing this post today. Just hoping that somebody else might be at the point of spanking, or spanking often, and not realize the impact they might be having.
The third reason we don't spank is because I don't want my children to be afraid of me. As a child and even a teenager, I was threatened with spanking. I was 15 years old and my mom would say, "You're not too old to spank. Your Granddad still spanked me when I was dating your dad." That, my friends, is ridiculous. And I know that now and I know that my mom was that parent I just talked about that didn't know what else to do. But, at a time when my mom should have wanted me to talk to her the most, she put fear into me and it made me back even farther away from her. I want to talk to my boys so they will listen and listen so they will talk. I should be their biggest comfort in this world, not what they are most afraid of. I can find other methods of discipline that turn them into fine young men of God without them being afraid of me.
So, do what you want with your children. It really is up to you. Maybe in that moment that you want to hit, put yourself and your child in time out and take the time to decide if spanking is the right punishment for the crime.
But as for my house, we will not hit each other. And the joy I get from hearing my toddler say that and be confident in it is worth more to me than the instant satisfaction of giving a spanking could ever give me.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Cloth diaper tips
When I decided to cloth diaper, I only knew one other person who did CD. There are also no stores in my area that carry cloth diapers, so I couldn't just go ask someone or look at what I was buying. Needless to say, I was a little overwhelmed. Here are a few tips I wish someone had told me before I started CD.
1. Many diaper creams are not safe to use on your diapers. Coconut oil is a great alternative.
2. Just like I tell people about breastfeeding, you have to be confident in what you're doing or you may get discouraged. I would encourage you to find some CD friends or join groups online, so you have someone in common when you feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
3. I really wanted somebody to tell me that I needed X amount of diapers and I have really had to figure out for myself what I needed. I had five covers and that was not enough for me. Now, I have 18 and half of them never get used. If you don't mind to throw a load of laundry in every day, you won't need as many as someone who wants to wash once a week. You really just have to see what works for you.
4. Cheaper is not always better. I was so excited because I found diapers from China for $2 or so each on eBay. About half of those are now swim diapers because the lining separated. Though I still cringe when I see mamas spending $50+ on one, yes one, diaper, I do think that you might want to consider buying some quality products. I know it seems like a lot up front, but your little is going to be wearing these for his whole infant life so I promise you will get your money's worth.
5. If I have stains, I hang my diapers in the sun and it generally takes care of it.
6. Packing your diaper bag doesn't have to be stressful. As a general rule, I like to keep an extra cover and one prefold or insert for every hour we will be gone plus one. I keep a travel pack of wipes in my bag. Many cloth mamas have great success with cloth wipes in a travel wipe box, but I just stick to disposable wipes when we're out.
I will add tips to this list as I think of them! :)
1. Many diaper creams are not safe to use on your diapers. Coconut oil is a great alternative.
2. Just like I tell people about breastfeeding, you have to be confident in what you're doing or you may get discouraged. I would encourage you to find some CD friends or join groups online, so you have someone in common when you feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
3. I really wanted somebody to tell me that I needed X amount of diapers and I have really had to figure out for myself what I needed. I had five covers and that was not enough for me. Now, I have 18 and half of them never get used. If you don't mind to throw a load of laundry in every day, you won't need as many as someone who wants to wash once a week. You really just have to see what works for you.
4. Cheaper is not always better. I was so excited because I found diapers from China for $2 or so each on eBay. About half of those are now swim diapers because the lining separated. Though I still cringe when I see mamas spending $50+ on one, yes one, diaper, I do think that you might want to consider buying some quality products. I know it seems like a lot up front, but your little is going to be wearing these for his whole infant life so I promise you will get your money's worth.
5. If I have stains, I hang my diapers in the sun and it generally takes care of it.
6. Packing your diaper bag doesn't have to be stressful. As a general rule, I like to keep an extra cover and one prefold or insert for every hour we will be gone plus one. I keep a travel pack of wipes in my bag. Many cloth mamas have great success with cloth wipes in a travel wipe box, but I just stick to disposable wipes when we're out.
I will add tips to this list as I think of them! :)
Yay for Cloth Diapers
When you tell someone who is not familiar with cloth diapers that you are going to CD your child, they are going to tell you you're crazy. I had people talk about me like I was the worst mom ever. What was I thinking using these old fashioned pins and clotheslines when we have "new and better" technology?
Well, friends, I don't use pins and I only use a clothesline when I want to and I am extremely happy with my decision to cloth diaper. This post is for the mamas that are interested, but overwhelmed and are hearing (or saying) the same negative things I heard.
There are several different reasons we decided to CD. The main one was financial, but I also like the fact that I am not putting thousands of diapers into a landfill every year. I would also like to mention the fact that my littles are not being exposed to chemicals found in disposable diapers, but that's another story. You can read more about it here. I also like that cloth is said to make potty training easier and the fact that I don't have to run out to the store at 9pm when we have one diaper left.
First, let me go through some diaper types with you, because if you start reading a CD blog, you are going to get overwhelmed trying to figure out what the heck they are talking about.
As with many aspects of being a mama, you will have to figure out what you like best. Personally, this is my favorite. I use one of these covers (the green part- mine are Flip) until it gets dirty or stinky, wiping it out after each change, and a prefold or liner (the white part). Both the prefold and the liner are good options for these. You just have to pick what works for you. What I like about this is the fact that I am only changing and washing prefolds and not an entire diaper every time.
Something else to look at is if the diaper is sized or one size. Another reason I like these Flip covers is because they are adjustable, using snaps, to grow with my baby. We did use newborn size covers and smaller prefolds at first, but after about ten pounds. these started working great for us.
My second favorite option is the pocket diaper. This is a diaper that has a pocket where you can place a prefold or liner. These don't have to have a cover over them, so once they are stuffed you are ready to wear.
The all-in-one diaper (AIO) is similar, but it is already put together for you so you just put it on and take it off when it's wet or dirty- just like you would a disposable diaper. Here is a huge selection from Diaper Parties.
The all-in-two (AI2) is only slightly different from the AIO in that the liner is snapped in or is sewn in at either end. This is a more detailed description from Diaper Parties.
Other than just trying to understand what the different types of diapers are, I also get questioned about how my diapers are stored and how to organize the extra amount of stuff.
I have a very inexpensive three-drawer cart stored in the nursery. I didn't straighten them up before I took these pictures, so this messiness is how they look everyday!
The top drawer is for my covers and inserts (and also assorted socks and baby legs).
The second drawer is for my prefolds.
And the bottom drawer is for my pockets, AIOs, etc.
I have a diaper can with an extra large wet bag in it where dirty diapers go. I also use cloth wipes, so they go in there as well. Expect a post about making these in the near future. :)
When I have a full can, I just take the bag to my laundry room and dump it in. I use a quarter cup of my homemade laundry detergent and dry everything except the covers, which I hang to dry.
I have loved this cloth diaper journey so far and hope you will too! Comment or message me with any questions or suggestions.
Well, friends, I don't use pins and I only use a clothesline when I want to and I am extremely happy with my decision to cloth diaper. This post is for the mamas that are interested, but overwhelmed and are hearing (or saying) the same negative things I heard.
There are several different reasons we decided to CD. The main one was financial, but I also like the fact that I am not putting thousands of diapers into a landfill every year. I would also like to mention the fact that my littles are not being exposed to chemicals found in disposable diapers, but that's another story. You can read more about it here. I also like that cloth is said to make potty training easier and the fact that I don't have to run out to the store at 9pm when we have one diaper left.
First, let me go through some diaper types with you, because if you start reading a CD blog, you are going to get overwhelmed trying to figure out what the heck they are talking about.
As with many aspects of being a mama, you will have to figure out what you like best. Personally, this is my favorite. I use one of these covers (the green part- mine are Flip) until it gets dirty or stinky, wiping it out after each change, and a prefold or liner (the white part). Both the prefold and the liner are good options for these. You just have to pick what works for you. What I like about this is the fact that I am only changing and washing prefolds and not an entire diaper every time.
Something else to look at is if the diaper is sized or one size. Another reason I like these Flip covers is because they are adjustable, using snaps, to grow with my baby. We did use newborn size covers and smaller prefolds at first, but after about ten pounds. these started working great for us.
My second favorite option is the pocket diaper. This is a diaper that has a pocket where you can place a prefold or liner. These don't have to have a cover over them, so once they are stuffed you are ready to wear.
The all-in-one diaper (AIO) is similar, but it is already put together for you so you just put it on and take it off when it's wet or dirty- just like you would a disposable diaper. Here is a huge selection from Diaper Parties.
The all-in-two (AI2) is only slightly different from the AIO in that the liner is snapped in or is sewn in at either end. This is a more detailed description from Diaper Parties.
Other than just trying to understand what the different types of diapers are, I also get questioned about how my diapers are stored and how to organize the extra amount of stuff.
I have a very inexpensive three-drawer cart stored in the nursery. I didn't straighten them up before I took these pictures, so this messiness is how they look everyday!
The top drawer is for my covers and inserts (and also assorted socks and baby legs).
The second drawer is for my prefolds.
And the bottom drawer is for my pockets, AIOs, etc.
I have a diaper can with an extra large wet bag in it where dirty diapers go. I also use cloth wipes, so they go in there as well. Expect a post about making these in the near future. :)
When I have a full can, I just take the bag to my laundry room and dump it in. I use a quarter cup of my homemade laundry detergent and dry everything except the covers, which I hang to dry.
I have loved this cloth diaper journey so far and hope you will too! Comment or message me with any questions or suggestions.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Mommy's Mother's Day craft
I am always doing projects with my boys, but this one was a mommy project. I love to give semi-homemade gifts. Gifts that don't require a ton of effort, but have a personal touch. We have a couple people in our lives that, though they aren't technically "mothers" to us, feel more like it sometimes than our family. I like to do something special for them for Mother's Day, just so they know how much they mean to us. This project was for those people. It honestly cost me less than $6, about an hour including drying time and turned out great!
I bought a can of Krylon spray paint. Whatever you buy, just make sure it says ok for glass. I had a couple extra jars laying around the house so I wanted to use those, but I wanted something special for Carter's Sunday School teacher, so I found a pretty round vase for $2.97 at Walmart. I used Goo Gone to get the price sticker off and then cleaned the vase well with dish soap.
Then I added the flower I purchased (and one from last year's garden). Aaaaand, this is how they turned out.
Not bad if I do say so myself!
Happy Mother's Day!
I bought a can of Krylon spray paint. Whatever you buy, just make sure it says ok for glass. I had a couple extra jars laying around the house so I wanted to use those, but I wanted something special for Carter's Sunday School teacher, so I found a pretty round vase for $2.97 at Walmart. I used Goo Gone to get the price sticker off and then cleaned the vase well with dish soap.
Then I spray painted the jars. Literally. It was that easy.
Then I added the flower I purchased (and one from last year's garden). Aaaaand, this is how they turned out.
Not bad if I do say so myself!
Happy Mother's Day!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Adventures in Preschool: Earth Day
I love to use Earth Day as an opportunity to teach my little ones about the world around us and ways we can take care of it. We actually made a week of Earth Day and did Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and Repurpose projects.
Reduce: We are committed to reducing our environmental impact by growing some of our own food. I will have more gardening posts throughout the summer, but we got gardening season started by planting some seeds. This planter from the Lowe's Build and Grow clinic came at a perfect time.
Reuse: We reused pine cones from our yard to make bird feeders. This was a fun project and was age-appropriate for my three year old with a little help. I gave them plastic knives and a plastic cup of peanut butter and I attached a string to the top of the pine cones for hanging. They used the knife to spread the peanut butter on the pine cone. I then poured birdseed onto newspaper and they rolled their pinecones in it.
Recycle: I save our newspapers and cardboard to take to our local recycling center and my preschooler loves to help me. He really enjoys tossing our items into the appropriate bins and he understands that we take our used items there so people can make them into something new.
Repurpose: I save lids from Coca-Cola products for My Coke Rewards to get fun prizes for my boys and me, but those lids sometimes seem to take over my house! I am always trying to think of something to do with them and for our Earth Day (week) celebration, I thought it would be fun to use them to make caterpillars. I had my husband drill a hole in each of the lids. I then let the little ones decorate them with paint and string them together. If we did this again, I would probably use markers and glitter glue instead of the paint, but it made a fun little project and saved a few of those lids from going into a landfill.
Always remember, "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." -Native American Proverb
Happy Earth Day!
Reduce: We are committed to reducing our environmental impact by growing some of our own food. I will have more gardening posts throughout the summer, but we got gardening season started by planting some seeds. This planter from the Lowe's Build and Grow clinic came at a perfect time.
Reuse: We reused pine cones from our yard to make bird feeders. This was a fun project and was age-appropriate for my three year old with a little help. I gave them plastic knives and a plastic cup of peanut butter and I attached a string to the top of the pine cones for hanging. They used the knife to spread the peanut butter on the pine cone. I then poured birdseed onto newspaper and they rolled their pinecones in it.
Recycle: I save our newspapers and cardboard to take to our local recycling center and my preschooler loves to help me. He really enjoys tossing our items into the appropriate bins and he understands that we take our used items there so people can make them into something new.
Repurpose: I save lids from Coca-Cola products for My Coke Rewards to get fun prizes for my boys and me, but those lids sometimes seem to take over my house! I am always trying to think of something to do with them and for our Earth Day (week) celebration, I thought it would be fun to use them to make caterpillars. I had my husband drill a hole in each of the lids. I then let the little ones decorate them with paint and string them together. If we did this again, I would probably use markers and glitter glue instead of the paint, but it made a fun little project and saved a few of those lids from going into a landfill.
Always remember, "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." -Native American Proverb
Happy Earth Day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)