Let me start this by saying, being a stay at home parent is not the right thing for everyone. I had a friend tell me one time that she was a better mom because she was away from her kids two days each week. It made her more patient, kinder, saner! There are people like her. And there are people like me. I don't even like to leave my babies for ten minutes, much less to go to a job.
This post is not to bash working moms or even to try and convince anyone to stay home. The reason I am writing this post is that I have moms tell me all the time that they wish they could stay home with their kids but they "just can't." There was a point in my life, with a four month old baby boy, that I was saying the same thing. I went back to work part-time. And after three months of crying almost every day, I decided, even if it killed me, I would be home with my babies. If you are there, this post is for you.
Let me say, first and foremost, that I am not the reason I am at home. My husband has a great job and it enables us to pay our bills. Secondly, God takes care of me and continues to provide for my family in ways that I can't even believe. Being faithful in prayer and in giving to God has really led to some pretty awesome things happening for us.
What I am able to do fairly well is utilize the resources I am given. I would like to share some of these with you and I encourage you to make them your own.
The first and biggest things that have enabled me to be home with my boys are breastfeeding and cloth diapering. If I had to dish out hundreds of dollars per month for diapers and formula, I would be right back to work. Cloth diapers are an investment up front, but utilize your resources. Register for them on your baby registry, buy them used from Craigslist, etc. For more information, check out Hot Mess Nest or any of the other million cloth diaper resources online.
The next biggest factor to me being home is simply budget and sacrifice. I am extremely blessed to nearly always have everything I need or want, but sometimes it's just not possible. You have to make the commitment that being home with your babies might sometimes trump a new pair of Steve Madden heels. This is something I consistently struggle with, but I know that no amount of material possessions can make up for waking up to those two sweet smiles everyday.
I would also encourage you to seek out like-minded parents. Not only can you share ideas and information, but you also can share responsibilities. Watch each others' kids for date nights or grocery shopping or have game or dinner nights together. You may not be able or willing to go out and spend money on babysitters and fancy dinners like you did with two incomes, but there are still ways to enjoy life together frugally. I will also admit that there are times when you will need a break. Even if it is just to go to the grocery store alone. These friends can be that for you and you can reciprocate for them.
Couponing has also been a huge step in my journey to be home with my boys. Couponing gets a bad rap as something that has to be all-consuming. I started spending a couple hours a week working on coupons as well as planning my meals around what's on sale that week. Just in doing that I nearly cut my grocery bill in half. If you are looking to get started or feel overwhelmed by it all, my favorite coupon site is Southern Savers. She has an amazing way of making saving money easy.
I am also at home because I take every opportunity I can to make money. I take secret shopping assignments, I get paid to keep the nursery on Wednesday nights at a local church, I provide in-home daycare for a couple friends, the list goes on and on. Since I have committed to being home and raising my boys the best way I know how, God has continuously presented me with ways to make money and still be with them. You have to take these opportunities as they come to you. It might not be consistent income, but it might be those last $20 you need to pay a bill or fix a broken washing machine. I also committed to doing our family budget when my husband and I decided I could stay home. Not everyone is blessed with an amazing husband like I have, but he could care less about where his money goes as long as our bills get paid. If you are going to stay home, take this into consideration. If it is something you both are comfortable with, it can be a way to take control and enable yourself to be home. In our situation, I feel like my husband works hard for us and he shouldn't have to worry about where the money to pay the electric bill comes from. Being responsible for the budget lets me know when I need to pick up an extra secret shop or two and make sure we are covered. He is always there to support me, of course, but the majority of figuring out what comes and goes where is on me.
I am also always being thrifty in getting the things my boys need. I simply cannot go to Gymboree and buy matching outfits for every occasion on one income. I can, however, buy them at consignment stores or sales for a quarter to half of the original price. Check out my blog post about consigning on Hot Mess Nest.
Planning ahead is also a great strategy. If a friend has kids that are bigger than yours and asks if you want hand-me-downs, say yes! Check out off-season sales when you can as well. An area consignment store just had a sale where you could fit all the off-season clothes you could pack into a grocery bag for $3. A friend got next year's coats for her kids and several other items for $3! You can stick them in a tub in your attic and pull them out when the time comes.
These are not the only ways to be a stay at home mom. There are millions of opportunities out there for you to find. I just wanted to share with you some of the ways that we make it work. Be confident in your child-rearing decision, whatever that may be and know that if God puts it on your heart, He will make it happen.
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